Is today really any different?

This is not the kind of post I would normally share, but today (23/3/14) is a different day.

6 years ago today my dad died.

It was not unexpected, he had been fighting a terminal brain tumour with surgery, radiotherapy, chemotherapy and alternative therapies (mainly Reiki from both me and my mum) for the previous 10 months. The day before I had given him a Reiki session, I had felt the energy shift and there was more energy in the room that day than in any of our other session, I felt a connection to both sets of my grandparents who had passed years before and I asked them to take care of him. I knew it would be our last time together.

His life was about to end and mine was about to change forever, I knew my world was about to fall apart, I was wrong it was about to blow apart.

I thought I was strong.
That I could look after others and not after myself,
that I could ignore the pain and anger that was boiling inside,
that I could carry on without ‘dealing’ with it all

That worked for a while, then I ended up in therapy, borderline depressed (which side of the line I was on was never clearly defined) but I NEEDED to carry on, keep the professional face at work and the “I’m fine” persona the rest of the time.

I was far from fine. (some of you new this, some of you may have suspected it, and some of you may never have know)

My pain and anger boiled over – The shards of my broken world continued to spray out hitting those closest to me for years. People I did not even know when it happened took the brunt of it years later. And for that I am truly sorry.

The pain and stress I caused is beyond measure, and the knowledge of that is something I will always carry that with me.
However these things will no longer burden me.

I have spent years trying to find myself, trying to be the person that I thought my dad would be proud of and instead I have found the person I am proud of.

The things I know, the mistakes I have made (and there are plenty of those), the excuses I have used, things I am willing to share, and the things I am not! are who I am. They all make me stronger (and weaker in the same moment).

So today may be the anniversary of the day my dad died, but it is ‘just another day’ it is another day where I can have a positive and unique impact on the world.

And for that reason I would like to thank you all for being in my world.

What do you have to gain? Breeaking down Procrastination

Procrastination is a great one.

To me it is a combination of misunderstandings:

It’s too hard, I can’t do it

Usually the first of these is the misunderstanding about their own abilities. The person feels that the job/task/communication is out of their skillset, the feel that even if they do perform the actions needed they will still not get it right, therefore try to avoid this ‘failure’ by not doing it. Or they want to be proved right , that they are unable to do it, by leaving it so long that they have to rush it and never get to complete it fully, thus proving they were unable to do it. (This gives them a strange self satisfied content feeling that proves they can trust their own judgement)

Need vs Want

The second is that they do not understand the true value of getting that thing done, and how it ties into them achieving their goals.  They do understand that physically that event needs to happen, write a report, do the accounts, clean the house etc, but they do not integrate that with any of their long or short term goals (and the rewards that that will bring) and therefore see everything as a chore that NEEDS to be done rather than a positive action that they WANT to do as it will get them to the point they are looking to be at.
Most people have hobbies/activities that they will always find time for, this is because they WANT to do it because they unconsciously get something from it (pleasure, satisfaction, confidence, interactions etc) this unconscious recognition fuels their want for the next time that activity occurs. (This relates/equates to the self satisfied content feeling mentioned above) Learning to identify the positive rewards from things you WANT to do and seeing if you can find these in the things you NEED to do will help you WANT to do those too.

Lack of, or incorrectly defined goals

This ties in with Needs vs Want, lots of people have incorrectly defined goals, that is to say they have not dug deep enough.
They want a too earn more money, they want a bigger house, they want a partner etc. These are all WANTS but they are not actually identify the true outcome. Earning more money does not in itself change anything, it is what you will do with it (and the rewards that give you) that mean something. Therefore look at the next step to see what that fulfils for you, safety , security, freedom, joy etc as recognising that doing something will bring you joy or freedom is a far better motivator that it bring you an extra £100.

Breatking the cycle

By addressing any or all of these misunderstanding you can break the cycle that you have been caught up in and better relate to completing the thing you have been avoiding.

Making the most of technology

I have known Positive computing for several years now and have always turned to them as a source of advice and equipment. So was really pleased to see that Julian Lewis has started a regular newsletter to inform people about changes in technology. I strongly recommend you sign up to the Positive Newsletter to enable you to keep  up to date.

In this issue Julian covers a variety of issues, a couple of which I can give testimonials for his advice

Dropbox, an excellent solution for keeping multiple pc’s/laptops in sync, while providing you a remote repository that is effectively an offsite backup.

Having been introduced to Dropbox by Positive around 12 months ago I now use it as my primary document location. This allows me to switch between a powerful desktop replacement laptop and a Dell netbook depending on where I am going and what resources I need on at the time, safe in the knowledge that I always have the documents I need.

Social Media, a great recommendation for Hootsuite, and advice on finding the right media strategy, ties in nicely with a couple of blog articles I have written recently about ensuring you have the correct message for your business. As Julian says in his newsletter there are plenty of Social Media Experts out there so talk to them about the how to do it. I would also add make sure you know your own message that you can then publicise about through the social media.

There is much more in the newsletter so go check it out.